I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
