I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
