Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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