Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
