I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
