just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
