Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
