I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
