did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
