a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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