I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
