I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
