I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
