Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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