My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
