I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
