there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
