This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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