Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
