Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
