Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
