All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
