Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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