Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
