mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
