my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
