Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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