if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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