our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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