Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
