The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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