I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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