Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
