Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
