4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize