worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if only i could text you this smell
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
