Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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