Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it's like iHOP with fire
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
