My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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