I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
