I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
