coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
