also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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