You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
