Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
