you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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