I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
