I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
