I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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