You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
