You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
