I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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