No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
