she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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