I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
