I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
