we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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