A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
